Under the radar

Blast from the past

Son: Welcome - come in. Did you have a good trip? Excellent. Just put your stuff there. This is the master bedroom here, this is the bathroom, toilet next door, then the kitchen. This is the living room and the balcony is just through there.

Mother: Where will we all be sleeping? It is a bit small isn't it?

Son: Well, you'll be sleeping in the living room on the couch and we'll make something for Dad on the floor in the kitchen. Only kidding - you can have our room and we'll drag a futon out in the living room.

Father: I'll put the cases in there then.

Son: Ok then, Dad. I'll just have a chat with mum if thats all right. I just wanted to say that I know that you are adults and all but I don't want any funny business. Neither under my roof, between my walls or on my floors.

Mother: What?

Son: This is a non-christian house, so I am afraid your whole "sex after marriage" thing isn't going to be acceptable here. What you do in your own house is your own business, of course.

Mother: Hang on... What?

Son: Just give me a second to say my piece. While you are under my roof, you live by my rules. Does that sound familiar? I left your roof in pristine condition, the virgin Mary could have eaten her dinner off it without a rumble afterwards, so please do me the same honour. You wouldn't sully my roof for the sake of your own carnal pleasure would you?

Mother: What are you talking about?

Son: I don't like the idea of the two of you having sex, possibly less so than for yourself when the positions were reversed all those years ago.

Mother: Have you quite finished?

Son: Yes. Oh, just one other thing. I expect that room to be kept immaculate for the next two weeks. Anything found on the floor will be binned.

Mother: To think I raised you from childhood... I think we will be able to do without you traipsing through our room, thank you very much. Has the notion of privacy not reached this part of the world?

Son: Oh no, no, no, no. That isn't the way it works. You can't see any reason why I should be in there? It smells! Did you like my non-sequitter there? You would have been proud of that in your day.

Mother: If the room smells it is nothing to do with me.

Son: As you are very much aware, this has nothing to do with reality. This is about my roof. The sanctitiy of the roof. Surely you understand that we must hnour the roof. Everything that goes on beneath it is called into question. Sacrifices must be made. Your sex-life and personal privacy are top of the list I am afraid. The roof. Hey dad, did you see the Arsenal match last week?

posted by Between daisies @ 9:04 am